on a sad note...

my country's tainted once again by the lack of better judgement of just one man, which then resulted to more lack of better judgements.

in the midst of all this chaos, i wonder. if there's a reason for everything, what must be the reason for this?

when will we stop being selfish and judgemental? when will selflessness begin?

i hope forgiveness comes soon and the desire to build bridges of healing be on its way.

Pilipinas kong mahal, babangon ka din.

my best guy friend just got engaged

and i was the last to know.

he said he tried to tell me personally before he told everyone but i seemed too busy.

i feel bad that he didn't tell me first, now i feel more bad that i didn't have time for him.

now i know the reason why i've been thinking about him for the past few days. why i felt there was an urgency to meet him even if his text messages just said 'san k?' or 'kape tayo'. and i ignored it because i was too damn busy or too damn tired. damn it.

when will i ever listen to my instincts? when???

on a different note, i am happy for him. though he and his girlfriend have only been together for less than a year, i somehow felt that this girl might be the one for him. she seemed to fit just right. and i was right about her. amazing how i even advised him to please not break her heart when i haven't even met her yet then.

but then again, i realize that chats over coffee, dinner or drinks will never be the same... soon there'll be no one info-loading me about movies, music or anything art related (he's actually started doing that when they started going out, a sign that she's really the one...), no one to drag to get-togethers where i need a male companion just so i won't be bugged about my status, no one to bug for one-on-one sessions over coffee.

i know he'll still be there for me and i know she'll be there for me too. but some things will have to change. it's inevitable.


i'll miss your company, bez. but i'm glad i'll miss you for the best and most wonderful reason.


cheers to you both! :)


* * * * * * * * * *

i'm happy seeing them together tonight. they look and feel right together. it's the first time i saw them as an engaged couple. and it was fun.

maybe i'm wrong. maybe things don't have to change at all. maybe it's all in the great plan.

all i know is i love them both :)

i now completely get it.

bad service can ruin anyone's day.

i didn't get my latte served in a mug, they didn't make it asap (i had to follow up!) and the weight... oh the weight, it was like a cappuccino! there was a lot of foam! argh!!!

The trip from Egypt to the promised land can be made in nine days (Deuteronomy 1:2).

It took the Israelites thirty-eight years.What they should have done, they didn’t...
So God decided they needed some time to rethink a few things.
Maybe God is wanting to teach you a few things.
Pay attention.
You don’t want to spend thirty-eight years missing the point.

- Max Lucado

snippet of thought

sometimes, the outside can be so beautiful that the inside can't help but be inspired.

one step closer

they said that for every love affair that ends in your life, you are one step closer to being with the One.

what happens when you're tired of taking steps? does he come to you?

moreso, what if, at the end of your path, you find there's no one there?

the power of a bonding session

i had an unexpected bonding time with one of my very good friends who i don't get to see often. every time i get to see her, there's always something to talk about, whether it be catching up on what's the latest about us or our other friends or sharing stuff about pets, bags and other things. but the in-between-stuff is the most substantial part of our talks. and it mostly involves stuff about life and how we are as women. the greatest thing about it is that i never leave empty-handed after these chats.

maybe God arranged this day for me to talk to her. after what i recently discovered which gave me a terrible heartache, it was comforting to know that she, surprisingly, understood. completely. no judgments and all. and i'm really grateful that she was there to listen. the things she told me were simple but powerful enough to leave an imprint, to make me feel ok the least is an understatement. it was a simple ideology that encompassed everything.

"if it makes you happy, if you know it makes you happy, go for it. regardless of what other people might say or think. it's not their happiness that's at stake, it's yours."

after all the trials she's been through, it's amazing how she has gained so much wisdom. and i'll always be grateful for unexpected moments like these with her.

all these things makes her even more wonderfully beautiful.

love you, ate p! :)

Jerico and Marizel (Tuesday Vargas) from Mayad Studios on Vimeo.

“Kahit ano pa mang mangyari…

Dumami man ang ampon nating pusa…

Malaos man tayo, na ’ di mangyayari kasi ‘di pa naman tayo sikat…

Pagtawanan man tayo ng mga bata ‘pag 70 na tayo dahil kulubot na tayo pero marami tayong tattoo…

Haharapin natin ang lahat ng ‘yan na magkasama at magkahawak ang kamay…”

- Tuesday Vargas

(by Mayad Studios)

this has got to be the best wedding vow i’ve ever heard in a while. made me cry buckets.

She cries to the heaven above
There is a stone in my heart
She lives a life she didn't choose
And it hurts like brand-new shoes

if it's called closure, why does it come way after the supposed end?

she said i looked lost. i was. very.

she said that i looked like i was looking for something in my coffee but i couldn't find it there. she said it doesn't seem i'll find it there.

either i'm that transparent or she knows me too well.

it's amazing.

when real friends know, they just know.
and they'll be there, no matter what, where, when, how and why.

i signed up for this from the very beginning. i knew it was gonna hurt bad if it ended, though i didn't know how bad it was gonna get. but i had hope. i thought i had reason to hope.

after you, i thought i already coped. i thought i was getting along fine. and partly, it was the hope that sustained me.

i only found out some part of the truth now. my hope was crushed two years ago.

and now it hurts like hell.

two years after.

it's when you find a picture of him wearing the shirt that he asked YOU to choose for him that he bought.

he wore it the last time we went out.

Do not do unto others what you don't want others do unto you.

so why was i left behind?

and why am i always left behind and taken for granted?

have i ever left anyone?

ganun pala talaga.

naglakad ako kanina at naglibot sa paligid ng tinutuluyan ko. nalungkot ako masyado sa nangyari sakin. dinaan ko na lang sa paglibot mag-isa. nung pauwi na'ko, natapat ako sa isang malaking pamilihan sa tapat ng aking tinutuluyan, sa isang upuan sa gilid ng kalsada na may nakaupong tatlong lalakeng naguusap. parang naghihintay ng masasakyan pauwi. nagulat ako nung narinig ko silang nagtatagalog. mga pinoy! lumukso ang puso ko at natuwa! gusto ko sana makipagchikahan pero nakakahiyang biglang sumingit atsaka baka magulat sila na may isang babaeng mukhang intsik/koreana/haponesa/malay na biglang nagtagalog at gustong makipagbalitaktakan sa kanila. tumayo na lang ako sa may tabi nila (buti na lang tawiran din dun) at nakinig.

chismosa. hindi naman. di ko nga nakuha yung pinaguusapan eh. gusto ko lang marinig yung mga nagtatagalog.

atsaka ko naisip, kung ako na sandali pa lamang na nasa ibang bansa at di sinasadyang nalungkot ay natuwa na nung makarinig ng mga pinoy sa paligid ko, ano pa kaya yung mga nakikipagsapalaran sa ibang bansa (tulad nung tatlong mama) na nalulungkot at hindi makauwi sa mga minamahal nila sa 'pinas. anong tuwa na lang siguro nila sa saglit na may marinig at makausap na nagtatagalog.

ito ang dahilan kung bakit sila naghahanap ng mga makakasama sa dayuhang bansa. ito din ang dahilan kung bakit kahit may naiwang pinakamamahal sa sariling bansa ay naghahanap sila ng 'kasambuhay' sa bansang pinagsapalaran.

lungkot.

naintindihan ko na.

maybe not now...

i'm still affected by what you commented a few weeks ago. and i still feel bad about it.

i'm sorry if i can't be happy for you right now. i can't be a hypocrite.

you got what you wanted anyway. i hope you're happy.

why there's good food.

any food always tastes better when it's being shared.

and when food is peppered with love and shared along with the stories that go with it and behind it, it nourishes even the darkest soul.