nanlibre na nga ako ng pagkain eh, pizza na may kasamang buffalo wings. greenwich na nga lang kasi may kamahalan ang yellow cab. 2 box pa. pero umiral na naman ang pagka patay-gutom na ugali niya. tapos sinabihan pa ako na sana totoong pagkain na lang ang binili dahil P700 hindi pa siya nabusog. gusto lang niya ubusin ang natira. kasi yun ang ugali niya. patay-gutom. parang hindi pinapakain. ingrata pa. eh meron namang natirang kanin at ulam kaninang tanghalian.

eh siya yung tatay diba? hindi bat siya ang dapat na nagpapakain sakin at hindi ako? naririnig ba nila akong nagrereklamo pag hindi ko gusto ang kinain ko na luto ng nanay ko?

mali ba kung sumama ang loob ko at magalit ako sa tatay ko dahil sa nangyaring to?

tao lang ako.

sana lumabas na lang ako ngayong gabi. hindi pa sumama ang loob ko.

just sharing...


By 30, you should have:

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you deserve it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
2. How you feel about having kids.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
8. How to take control of your own birthday.
9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
15. Why they say life begins at 30

-Pamela Redmond Satran

the saga of the bleeding finger

so this is how it goes.

you put john mayer's battle studies on repeat while cleaning your room because you've been pretty bothered with your thoughts while doing the groceries earlier (cleaning is your therapy).

a few minutes into cleaning, your hands brush on something really icky, like cat pee. so you get up and go out of your room to go to the bathroom to wash your hands.

and then you accidentally slam the door to your poor little pointer finger. it hurts sooo bad you scream and want to curse your bedroom door, but don't, and you're now in the verge of tears. and then you look at the little one. it's bleeding like hell.

what do you do?

you rush downstairs, ask for your dad's help on what to do. he sees the bleeding finger and, probably in his panic, suggests to put crystal freakin' herbal oil on your wound. great, isn't it?

so you don't listen to him, answer back shouting coz you're in so much pain and instead rush to the faucet to clean your wound. and he gets mad at you for not listening to him. and your mom tries to keep both of you quiet. so you rush back to your bedroom while crying while putting a cotton ball on your wounded finger to stop the bleeding. and slam the door shut.

see, that's what you do.

you fix it by yourself. and cry.

***

my loneliness fed on my physical pain. i felt it spread quickly in my mind and my heart when nobody was there to kiss the ouchy, wounded finger and assure me that it'll be fine, that the pain will go away. even if i knew it would, eventually. there was nothing left to do but cry.

i really needed a hug that time. i didn't get any.

***

and it doesn't help that a few days ago you had your first cervarix shots done and your arm still feels swollen like someone punched you on the arm and left a bruise.

and, yes, it's the same arm where your poor little finger is attached to.

***

a few minutes later, your mom comes rushing in asking what happened and takes over the wounded, still bleeding finger and gives it first aid. nothing but good ol' fashioned mother's love to the rescue.

and after you've sent messages to your friends and read their comforting replies, the childhood bestfriend, whom you've been missing a lot, suddenly calls you up, asks what happens, makes you laugh coz you realize that it's really your fault and then cheers you up.

Papa God really knows how to send angels :)

***

and here's the poor one now...