i've been crying again lately...
not just because of you, but of all the things that have been happening in my life right now.
but mostly because of you.
i've been meeting people. new friends and old.
some have expressed interest.
and whenever i think about giving it a try, i cry.
i'm not ready to let go of you. not just yet.
i know.
because i dreamt of you last night.
we were about to make love in my dream.
now everything's a blur.
.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
dizzy daisy
i'm in the third trimester of the year and it seems like fate still isn't keen on being friendly to me. bleh.
...
Latest Mistake
by Mandy Moore
There is part of me that wants an answer
And part of me that doesn't want to know
Part of you that I am in love with
And the part that I am willing to let go
This is a delicate unraveling
Now and then I find pieces on the floor
Tiny little bits that tell me
Maybe I shouldn't do this
Or love you anymore
Someone's gonna have to fess up
Someone's gonna have to clean this mess up
'Cause I wanted you the first time
And I loved you from the second
And I don't know how that ever goes away
As far as I can tell
You're really good at talking
So I think its time you let me know
I'm just your latest mistake
I wonder what will make you happy
I wonder what you'll do with it all
I have a map in my head
Somehow still don't understand
Why I always have to miss you
Why I have to make the call
Someone's gonna have to step up
Someone's gonna have to clean this mess up
'Cause I wanted you the first time
And I loved you from the second
And I don't know how that ever goes away
As far as I can tell
You're really good at talking
So I think its time you let me know
I'm just your latest mistake
Before you drive me away
Take a good look at me, baby
Picture me not lying on your couch
Well, I wish the best for you
Everytime you go thru this
Before you finally figure it out
'Cause I wanted you the first time
And I loved you from the second
And I don't know how that ever goes away
As far as I can tell
You're really good at talking
So I think its time you let me know
I'm just your latest mistake
by Mandy Moore
There is part of me that wants an answer
And part of me that doesn't want to know
Part of you that I am in love with
And the part that I am willing to let go
This is a delicate unraveling
Now and then I find pieces on the floor
Tiny little bits that tell me
Maybe I shouldn't do this
Or love you anymore
Someone's gonna have to fess up
Someone's gonna have to clean this mess up
'Cause I wanted you the first time
And I loved you from the second
And I don't know how that ever goes away
As far as I can tell
You're really good at talking
So I think its time you let me know
I'm just your latest mistake
I wonder what will make you happy
I wonder what you'll do with it all
I have a map in my head
Somehow still don't understand
Why I always have to miss you
Why I have to make the call
Someone's gonna have to step up
Someone's gonna have to clean this mess up
'Cause I wanted you the first time
And I loved you from the second
And I don't know how that ever goes away
As far as I can tell
You're really good at talking
So I think its time you let me know
I'm just your latest mistake
Before you drive me away
Take a good look at me, baby
Picture me not lying on your couch
Well, I wish the best for you
Everytime you go thru this
Before you finally figure it out
'Cause I wanted you the first time
And I loved you from the second
And I don't know how that ever goes away
As far as I can tell
You're really good at talking
So I think its time you let me know
I'm just your latest mistake
gratitude
got this from the Secret Gratitude Blog by the author of OAP.
"Gratitude is one of the most powerful emotions you can use to bring all-good into your life in absolute abundance. No matter who you are, no matter where you are, gratitude can dissolve all negativity in your life, no matter what form it has taken. Let me explain how something as simple as gratitude can completely transform your life.
When you are grateful for the things that you want to come into your life (the perfect relationship, the dream job, absolute health, total abundance) before they actually appear, you are sending out a frequency to the Universe that you already have those things. The law of attraction does not know if you are imagining something or it it is real, so by giving heartfelt thanks for it now, you must attract those things to you. This is an immutable law, and when used correctly it is unfailing in its response.
To maximize all the power of these words of wisdom and truth, read them slowly, say each word emphatically and with intensity, and feel them deeply within your heart:
1. Before you begin to write anything, sit quietly and silently say “Thank you” twenty times. Feel the feelings of gratitude as you silently repeat the words “Thank you.”
2. Always list the things you are grateful for in the present tense, whether you have them now or not. If you write the things you want as being in the future, then they will always be in the future. For example, “I am so grateful for all the abundance that will come to me” could result in the abundance always just “coming”… and not arriving! To harness the power of the law of attraction, you have to give thanks NOW for the things you want, as though you have already received them.
3. When writing your list, begin each sentence with “I am truly grateful for…” OR “I am so grateful now that… ” Or “Thank you for…” Or any other similar words of gratitude that feel good to you.
4. First write down the things you are grateful for in your life now and feel the feelings as deeply as possible with your heart.
5. When you have finished your daily “Gratitude Now” list, immediately write down your gratitude list for all the things you want to come into your life. Remember to write them as though you have them now.
The more you use gratitude every day, the greater the good you will bring into your life. It is all you have to do to completely transform your life in every single area, and on every single subject. There are no limits to the good that you can bring forth to you, and by practicing gratitude daily, you will increase and maximize your magnetic power to attract a life beyond your wildest dreams. And for you to live a life beyond your wildest dreams is my dream come true."
- Rhonda Bryne, Author of the The Secret
"Gratitude is one of the most powerful emotions you can use to bring all-good into your life in absolute abundance. No matter who you are, no matter where you are, gratitude can dissolve all negativity in your life, no matter what form it has taken. Let me explain how something as simple as gratitude can completely transform your life.
When you are grateful for the things that you want to come into your life (the perfect relationship, the dream job, absolute health, total abundance) before they actually appear, you are sending out a frequency to the Universe that you already have those things. The law of attraction does not know if you are imagining something or it it is real, so by giving heartfelt thanks for it now, you must attract those things to you. This is an immutable law, and when used correctly it is unfailing in its response.
To maximize all the power of these words of wisdom and truth, read them slowly, say each word emphatically and with intensity, and feel them deeply within your heart:
1. Before you begin to write anything, sit quietly and silently say “Thank you” twenty times. Feel the feelings of gratitude as you silently repeat the words “Thank you.”
2. Always list the things you are grateful for in the present tense, whether you have them now or not. If you write the things you want as being in the future, then they will always be in the future. For example, “I am so grateful for all the abundance that will come to me” could result in the abundance always just “coming”… and not arriving! To harness the power of the law of attraction, you have to give thanks NOW for the things you want, as though you have already received them.
3. When writing your list, begin each sentence with “I am truly grateful for…” OR “I am so grateful now that… ” Or “Thank you for…” Or any other similar words of gratitude that feel good to you.
4. First write down the things you are grateful for in your life now and feel the feelings as deeply as possible with your heart.
5. When you have finished your daily “Gratitude Now” list, immediately write down your gratitude list for all the things you want to come into your life. Remember to write them as though you have them now.
The more you use gratitude every day, the greater the good you will bring into your life. It is all you have to do to completely transform your life in every single area, and on every single subject. There are no limits to the good that you can bring forth to you, and by practicing gratitude daily, you will increase and maximize your magnetic power to attract a life beyond your wildest dreams. And for you to live a life beyond your wildest dreams is my dream come true."
- Rhonda Bryne, Author of the The Secret
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
unwell.
people have been telling me to move on, to open myself to possibilities - other possibilities of love.
i've been trying to entertain the idea.
i don't know. i don't feel ready for it. but i'm thinking about it.
and this morning, just when i started thinking about the possibility of seeing other people again, i cried again.
and it hurt so much.
and i realized that i'm really not yet ready.
you see, sniffer, i still can't let go.
i'm still hoping.
i still believe.
i still love you.
.
i've been trying to entertain the idea.
i don't know. i don't feel ready for it. but i'm thinking about it.
and this morning, just when i started thinking about the possibility of seeing other people again, i cried again.
and it hurt so much.
and i realized that i'm really not yet ready.
you see, sniffer, i still can't let go.
i'm still hoping.
i still believe.
i still love you.
.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Don’t know how to name your band?
killing boredom...
Anyway, here it goes:
1. Click here. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2. Click here. The last four words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
(If you want to do this again, you'll hit refresh to generate new quotes, because clicking the quotes link again will just give you the same quotes over and over again.)
3. Click here. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4. Click here. The first ten links you end up in (minus the .coms) are your 10 song titles.
And here are my results:
Band Name: Susanne Latimore (why her?!)
Album Name: 'Has To Be Us’
(Full quote from Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead)
Album Cover:
(ayus... pic title is 'goodbye' by visithra)
Track titles:
1. Bombing Science
2. Mystifying
3. Turtelina
4. Metalingo
5. Strikeslip
6. Michael Efford
7. Stormlight Design
8. Sedoparking
9. Ben Lizard
10. Angelfire
Mala-The 7 Autumn Flowers ang dating, hehe...
Anyway, here it goes:
1. Click here. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2. Click here. The last four words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
(If you want to do this again, you'll hit refresh to generate new quotes, because clicking the quotes link again will just give you the same quotes over and over again.)
3. Click here. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4. Click here. The first ten links you end up in (minus the .coms) are your 10 song titles.
And here are my results:
Band Name: Susanne Latimore (why her?!)
Album Name: 'Has To Be Us’
(Full quote from Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead)
Album Cover:
(ayus... pic title is 'goodbye' by visithra)
Track titles:
1. Bombing Science
2. Mystifying
3. Turtelina
4. Metalingo
5. Strikeslip
6. Michael Efford
7. Stormlight Design
8. Sedoparking
9. Ben Lizard
10. Angelfire
Mala-The 7 Autumn Flowers ang dating, hehe...
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
surprise. surprise.
i thought that the first half of this year would end with you gone.
and then you suddenly wanted to see me.
i fell in shock when i saw your message asking me out for coffee.
and then i knew this was the chance i was waiting for to talk to you, to tell you what i feel and what i think about things.
but i was so nervous to see you again.
i tried to be cold when i saw you. but i couldn't help it. i couldn't help but warm up a bit to you.
i was so bothered thinking of how to broach the topic so i just kept quiet most of the time.
and the place where you took me. it was something. it was so nice i couldn't help but loosen up, cozy up to the place, to you.
i had a nice time. but i began to feel that my purpose won't be fulfilled before the night ends.
i knew i had to do something since you seemed oblivious to the fact that you have been gone.
and just as i was about to get out of your car, i stopped myself and opened up.
i'm glad i talked to you about it, about how i felt. i'm glad i was able to be honest to you. because i wanted to lay the foundation of honesty again in our relationship, whatever relationship this is called.
i felt a bit of relief after that. hearing your answers reassured me that, yes, i really know how you think somehow.
and, yes, i still mattered to you.
but i also got worried about you, hearing your reason for not keeping in touch that long.
i was proud of you, trying to learn, trying to grow. but i got worried for you. you deserve so much better, sniffer. but, i guess, this is part of your growing pains. and if you have to go through this to come out a better person, then i'll just be here for you, whatever happens.
i am your friend too.
i will always be here for you.
and i still love you.
.
and then you suddenly wanted to see me.
i fell in shock when i saw your message asking me out for coffee.
and then i knew this was the chance i was waiting for to talk to you, to tell you what i feel and what i think about things.
but i was so nervous to see you again.
i tried to be cold when i saw you. but i couldn't help it. i couldn't help but warm up a bit to you.
i was so bothered thinking of how to broach the topic so i just kept quiet most of the time.
and the place where you took me. it was something. it was so nice i couldn't help but loosen up, cozy up to the place, to you.
i had a nice time. but i began to feel that my purpose won't be fulfilled before the night ends.
i knew i had to do something since you seemed oblivious to the fact that you have been gone.
and just as i was about to get out of your car, i stopped myself and opened up.
i'm glad i talked to you about it, about how i felt. i'm glad i was able to be honest to you. because i wanted to lay the foundation of honesty again in our relationship, whatever relationship this is called.
i felt a bit of relief after that. hearing your answers reassured me that, yes, i really know how you think somehow.
and, yes, i still mattered to you.
but i also got worried about you, hearing your reason for not keeping in touch that long.
i was proud of you, trying to learn, trying to grow. but i got worried for you. you deserve so much better, sniffer. but, i guess, this is part of your growing pains. and if you have to go through this to come out a better person, then i'll just be here for you, whatever happens.
i am your friend too.
i will always be here for you.
and i still love you.
.
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