Survivor

Spent the whole day keeping myself busy. Spent some time over coffee with a friend tonight. My heart felt lighter so it was good. And then braved something uncomfortable. I think I'll survive.

Hold on for one more day.

Today wasn't so easy as yesterday. Spent more than half of the day struggling with my thoughts & emotions. Plus I came home confronted with other bothering issues.

I really wanted to go home early but something told me to hear mass at Greenbelt 3 tonight. So I went. And I felt so blessed to find out that the new statue of St. John Paul II was there dressed in the Papal clothes that he wore during his 1995 visit in Manila for the World Youth Day.

Memories of that event came rushing in & found myself teary-eyed while praying in front of the statue. I prayed for my heart, I prayed for his heart and I prayed for my friends who were with me during that fateful WYD. Happy to realize that they're still some of the closest things to siblings I could ever have. And then I got home just when tonight's episode of #TheLegalWife started. Braved watching the tension-filled scenes but now I'll have to sleep with a confused & heavy heart. Again.

I'll get by with a little help from my friends.

I woke up to the smell I've been missing nowadays & had it for breakfast - durian. It was the smell I used to hate but now have grown to love, something that grew on me but took a while. I was reminded by what a friend said: "Take it one day at a time. See how things will turn out." I have to admit it lifted my spirit today. Enough to give me courage to bring Macky for checkup. I do hope it's nothing serious coz I don't have funds to replace it. 

The only way out is through.

After last night, I was scared of how my today would be. Except for a couple of uncalled-for moments (Thank God for tissue!), I think I did fine. My thoughts still bothered me but I made a conscious effort to battle w/ it with prayers. Thankful for people who support no matter what. My happy thought is that Mama's coming home tonight.

Let it go.

After 48 hours of no sleep, I slept almost the whole day today. It gave me the strength that I needed for tonight. Because tonight, I did what I had to do but was scared of doing. Tonight, I decided to let go. And I know I did it in the most loving manner I know.

Alone again, naturally.

Back to having solo dinners. Something I had to get used to in the past and now, have to get used to again. But there's always happiness in the 'Me Time'. While my thoughts aren't very comforting nowadays, at least I know there's a chance to connect with myself & quiet the thoughts 'til I'm comfortable again.

30 days of bravery. 100 days of happiness.

Been seeing the #100happydays & #30bravedays projects for weeks now. While I've been interested to try it since the first time I stumbled upon them on Instagram, I couldn't really push myself from starting the projects. Blaming it on the procrastinator in me.

'Til one day, I was shaken to the core and found myself grasping for any bit of happiness I could find just to impede the onslaught of a possible big-time depression, which I couldn't afford & allow to happen (coz, believe me, there are times that it's more comforting to wallow in it).

And so I decided to raise the white flag and jump in.

When I filled out the form for 100 happy days, there was a question that asked what my motivation was to participate. And this was what I wrote down:

"To find happiness even in the most difficult moments."

Which, in itself, is already an act of bravery. And the reason why I decided to do the 30 brave days project at the same time.

Today is Day 1. To 100 & to 30, this early, I raise a toast to you.