a rainy night in a bookstore

There's money in my wallet.
And it's part of my sad, sad budget.
Next door is Charles & Keith.
To resist them is a feat.


• there's a fine line between being contented and going after your heart's desires.


• I hope the rain fell on Angat Dam tonight, not here in Makati.


• amusing to see personalities in this place tonight. but then again, this is their turf.




i wish i had the luxury of time to read.

rehab.

i crave for you.

and i crave for that stolen snippet of happy feeling i get after i've consumed you.

without you, i'm supposed to be okay.

but it's eating me up whenever i resist you.

you've become my illegal substance.

So little time...

Try to understand that I'm trying to make a move just to stay in the game.
I try to stay awake and remember my name but everybody's changing and I don't feel the same...

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday Im all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
Im 13 again am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and Im deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and Im devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me

- Alanis Morissette