blind. dense.

why are you hurting me? why are you hurting me this way? don't i matter to you anymore? do i still matter to you? do you still think about me? why don't you try to see me? why won't you see me and talk to me? do you still wanna see me? do you still think i'm special? what's wrong? why are you pulling the plug? or have you already pulled the plug a long time ago? why are you breaking my heart? why? why can't you just let me know what's on your mind even if it might hurt me? are we friends? are we still friends? do you still see me as more than a friend? can you still see me as more than a friend? do you still like me? do you still love me? did you ever love me? do you feel that i love you? do you KNOW that i love you? do you know that you're hurting me right now? do you know that i cry because of you nowadays? are you deliberately doing this to really hurt me? why? what for? don't you want me anymore? don't you love me anymore? don't you miss me anymore? are you really breaking my heart on purpose? why? why didn't you give us a chance? why didn't you let our love grow? why?


.

...

Unsaid
by Julianne

Do I have to lose you now
So I can gain you some other time?
Do I have to take a bow,
End the show before the curtain call?

Do I have to look the other way
Coz we just got too much to say?
Did it even have to be like this
For you and I? I wanna know why.

Even if I know what I've been told
To let go means to surrender my control.
But it isn't easy to have loved and not survive.
Was is for the wrong reason?
Or maybe the wrong season?

Coz I wanted this love to grow.
I wanted to see it soar.
I wanted to give a chance for the Sun
To kiss our eyes
So maybe we could see the light
Behind our hearts desires.

Do I have to be broken one last time
So I can be made whole again?
Do I have to be chastised
To be saved and rescued from the fire?

Do I have to be reminded of all this
That I didn't even own a thing to begin with?
No right to claim,
No right to put the blame
On anyone or anything

Even if I know what I've been told
To let go means to surrender my control.
But it isn't easy to have loved and not survive.
Was is for the wrong reason?
Or maybe the wrong season

Coz I wanted this love to grow.
I wanted to see it soar.
I wanted to give a chance for the Sun
To kiss our eyes
So maybe we could see the light
Behind our hearts desires.

Do I have to watch you go ahead
Leaving me with out a word said?
Do I even get the opportunity to say my plea?
I hope now you're hearing me.

Coz I wanted this love to grow.
I wanted to see it soar.
I wanted to give a chance for the Sun
To kiss our eyes
So maybe we could see the light
Behind our hearts desires.

I wanted to see the light.
I wanted you to see the light.
I wanted us to see the light.
... Open up your eyes time
To open up our eyes...

dream

sniffer,

i had a dream about you last night.
we met up.
you missed me.
you hugged me.
you held my face in your hands.
you kissed me.

when i woke up, i prayed so hard for it to come true.

is it possible to let go and still hope?


.

Shuffling my Soundtrack - Cool With You (my life according to iTunes)

i am seriously bored.

RULES:

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.

* well... most of it didn't make much sense...

NO CHEATING!

How are you feeling today?
Lonely Days - Eagle Eye Cherry
*oh dear...

Will you get far in life?
Orgia - Ennio Morricone*eh?

How do your friends see you?
You Give Love A Bad Name - Atreyu*ganun?

Will you get married?
Name Fun - Parokya Ni Edgar
*meaning?
What is your best friend's theme song?
Gone - Kanye West

What is the story of your life?
Peggy Gordon - The Corrs

What was high school like?
Secret Lovers - Atlantic Starr
*eh?
How can you get ahead in life?
Monopoly - Rivermaya
*hmmm, and what should i monopolize?
What is the best thing about your friends?
Spider-Man - Ramones
*they're all Spider Man?
What is today going to be like?
Lullaby - Session Road
*really? sana...
What is in store for the weekend?
Doors - Moonstar88
*doors?
What song describes you?
Goodbye - Juana*oh dear again...

How do you describe your grandparents?
This Life - Mandalay

How is your life going?
They Can't Take That Away From Me - Steve Tyrell

What song will they play at your funeral?
Suntok Sa Buwan - Session Road
*ang sad naman
How does the world see you?
Red, Red Wine - Tony Tribe*pwede...

Will you have a happy life?
Just Like A Splendid Love Song - Orange & Lemons*pwedeng pwede...

What do your friends really think of you?
Baliw - Truefaith*totoo naman eh, hehe...

Do people secretly lust after you?
So Beautiful - Savage Garden*ahahahahaha!

How can I make myself happy?
Space Oddity - David Bowie*eh?

What should you do with your life?
If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keys*?

Will you ever have children?
Alex's Father - Rachel Portman
*Who's Alex? And who's his father?

How do you picture yourself 5 years from now?
Senamou (C'Est L'Amour) - Angélique Kidjo Feat. Amadou & Miriam*hmmm... i like...

What is best to describe your special someone?
Marrakech - Mishka Adams

What is in store for you in this world?
The Ordertaker - Parokya Ni Edgar*I'll have an ordertaker? pwede din...

What would your life be 10 years from now?
Wishing I Was There - Natalie Imbruglia*double meaning...

Will you be successful?
Moden De - Sugar Hiccup*wish I knew what Moden De meant

How was your childhood?
Nod Your Head - Paul McCartney
*pretty much
What song best describes your mood right now?
Ganjazz - Eraserheads*errr...

How was it answering this survey?
Jesus Walks - Kanye West

What does this year have in store for me?
The Nearness Of You - Steve Tyrell*the nearness of who?
What does your love life look like?
Unwell - MatchboxTwenty
*kainis
What do I say when life gets hard?
Love Is A Victory - The Amaranths
*it always is...
What do I think of when I get up in the morning?
Seniorita - Justin Timberlake
*sana nga one day, haha!

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Preno - Session Road
*but why?
What do you want as a career?
Champagne Supernova - Matt Pond PA
*hmmm...
Your favorite saying?
If I Neva See You Again - Pink Martini*hmmmmmm...

Favorite place?
You Oughta Know - Alanis Morisette
*of course, i oughta know...

What do you think of your parents?
I'm Your Villain - Franz Ferdinand
*ayayayay
Where would you go on a first date?
No More - Diana Ross*no more first dates?! what the... ? double meaning na naman...

Drug of choice?
It Doesn't Get Better Than This - Kathy Fitzgerald*hmmm... natural high?

Describe yourself.
Samba Da Bencao (Samba Of The Blessing) - Sergio Mendes Feat. Marcelo D2

The song that will be played at your funeral?
Calling - Leona Ness
*parang natanong na to...
What's your Porn star name?
#34 - Dave Matthews' Band*girl #34, hehe...

What is my state of mind like at the moment?
If You Never Come To Me - Bertrand Burgalat
*ang sad na naman...
How will I die?
Love's Divine - Seal
*again, it always is...

The song you'll put as the subject?
Cool With You - Nina

hopefully weary

i'm slowly disarming myself....
i'm pushing myself to face the sun...
i'm trying to open my eyes
to the very blinding light of truth.

i'm slowly opening my hands,
loosening my grasp
when i haven't even
held you enough yet.

i still hope.
i still believe..
i can silently and secretly wait.
still.

i am hurt.
i am sad.
but i find myself blind
even with open eyes.

all because of this heart
that loves you.


.

14 days

i was broken, rambling and ranting.

i was confused, scared to admit that that might be it.

i was reluctant but hopeful still.

i was pushed to move on by people who love me.

i was preparing myself for the possible heartbreak.

i was starting to surrender. and eventually let go.

and then that simple message from you changed everything.

again.

***

you miss me. i know you do.

i miss you too.


.