A woman in progress

Back in college, I always signed dedications and notes with a heart darkened in the middle by the strokes of my pen. I became known as the girl who signed with a 'dark heart'. For me, a heart darkened in the middle meant it was full, even if not whole.

Back in college, I also had dreams. A lot of dreams. I didn't know where they would take me but I believed I was going to make the world a better place by pursuing them. Or at least make life easier for me & my family.

At the workshop I attended yesterday, a girl named Angel gave me this as an exchange gift. A heart, darkened in the middle, on the beach with a simple yet striking note at the back. I felt like I was reminded of that heart and the dreams that came along with it. I am happy my 'Lulu', who is now her 'Freedom', is with a person whose passion involves words. She's in very good hands.

Thank you for this serendipitous reminder @angelparca. And thank you @arrianeserafico for giving us that much-needed spark to go after our goals & dreams.

If you are at a place where you need that push to start & do something with your life but not quite sure how and where, go sign-up at http://bit.ly/WIPletters for #WIPworkshops & get a fill of wisdom from @woman.in.progress ❤️❤️❤️

Survivor

Spent the whole day keeping myself busy. Spent some time over coffee with a friend tonight. My heart felt lighter so it was good. And then braved something uncomfortable. I think I'll survive.

Hold on for one more day.

Today wasn't so easy as yesterday. Spent more than half of the day struggling with my thoughts & emotions. Plus I came home confronted with other bothering issues.

I really wanted to go home early but something told me to hear mass at Greenbelt 3 tonight. So I went. And I felt so blessed to find out that the new statue of St. John Paul II was there dressed in the Papal clothes that he wore during his 1995 visit in Manila for the World Youth Day.

Memories of that event came rushing in & found myself teary-eyed while praying in front of the statue. I prayed for my heart, I prayed for his heart and I prayed for my friends who were with me during that fateful WYD. Happy to realize that they're still some of the closest things to siblings I could ever have. And then I got home just when tonight's episode of #TheLegalWife started. Braved watching the tension-filled scenes but now I'll have to sleep with a confused & heavy heart. Again.

I'll get by with a little help from my friends.

I woke up to the smell I've been missing nowadays & had it for breakfast - durian. It was the smell I used to hate but now have grown to love, something that grew on me but took a while. I was reminded by what a friend said: "Take it one day at a time. See how things will turn out." I have to admit it lifted my spirit today. Enough to give me courage to bring Macky for checkup. I do hope it's nothing serious coz I don't have funds to replace it. 

The only way out is through.

After last night, I was scared of how my today would be. Except for a couple of uncalled-for moments (Thank God for tissue!), I think I did fine. My thoughts still bothered me but I made a conscious effort to battle w/ it with prayers. Thankful for people who support no matter what. My happy thought is that Mama's coming home tonight.

Let it go.

After 48 hours of no sleep, I slept almost the whole day today. It gave me the strength that I needed for tonight. Because tonight, I did what I had to do but was scared of doing. Tonight, I decided to let go. And I know I did it in the most loving manner I know.

Alone again, naturally.

Back to having solo dinners. Something I had to get used to in the past and now, have to get used to again. But there's always happiness in the 'Me Time'. While my thoughts aren't very comforting nowadays, at least I know there's a chance to connect with myself & quiet the thoughts 'til I'm comfortable again.

30 days of bravery. 100 days of happiness.

Been seeing the #100happydays & #30bravedays projects for weeks now. While I've been interested to try it since the first time I stumbled upon them on Instagram, I couldn't really push myself from starting the projects. Blaming it on the procrastinator in me.

'Til one day, I was shaken to the core and found myself grasping for any bit of happiness I could find just to impede the onslaught of a possible big-time depression, which I couldn't afford & allow to happen (coz, believe me, there are times that it's more comforting to wallow in it).

And so I decided to raise the white flag and jump in.

When I filled out the form for 100 happy days, there was a question that asked what my motivation was to participate. And this was what I wrote down:

"To find happiness even in the most difficult moments."

Which, in itself, is already an act of bravery. And the reason why I decided to do the 30 brave days project at the same time.

Today is Day 1. To 100 & to 30, this early, I raise a toast to you.

Cross to bear.

There's always some reason

To feel not good enough.

And it's hard at the end of the day.

I need some distraction,

Oh, beautiful release...

God forbid me to extremely hate a bloodline right now...

How Do Others See You?

So I saw this post from thoughtshappythoughts and decided to give it a go.

It's a test from Dr. Phil (yes, Oprah's Dr. Phil) and he & Oprah both took the test. He got a 55; she, a 38.

I got a 43.

According to the test:
"Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting, someone who’s constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding, someone who’ll always cheer them up and help them out."

Me? People see me as someone who's constantly in the center of attention? Really?

Anyway, here's the test.


1. When do you feel your best?
A) in the morning
B) during the afternoon and early evening
C) late at night

2. You usually walk… 
A) fairly fast, with long steps
B) fairly fast, with little steps
C) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
D) less fast, head down
E) very slowly

3. When talking to people you…
A) stand with your arms folded
B) have your hands clasped
C) have one or both your hands on your hips
D) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
E) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with…
A) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
B) your legs crossed
C) your legs stretched out or straight
D) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with… 
A) big appreciated laugh
B) a laugh, but not a loud one
C) a quiet chuckle
D) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you… 
A) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
B) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
C) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You’re working very hard, concentrating hard, and you’re interrupted…. 
A) welcome the break
B) feel extremely irritated
C) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most…. 
A) Red or orange
B) black
C) yellow or light blue
D) green
E) dark blue or purple
F) white
G) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are…
A) stretched out on your back
B) stretched out face down on your stomach
C) on your side, slightly curled
D) with your head on one arm
E) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are… 
A) falling
B) fighting or struggling
C) searching for something or somebody
D) flying or floating
E) you usually have dreamless sleep
F) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS: 

1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e ) 1
10 (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points, check your total, and see how others see you.

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should handle with care. You’re seen as vain, self-centered, and extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don’t always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality, a natural leader, who’s quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once, someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting, someone who’s constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding, someone who’ll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful, and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who’s extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expects the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you, realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don’t exist. Some people think you’re boring. Only those who know you well, know that you aren't.

What do you do when you suddenly see your ex-flame?

I once bumped into an old flame and couldn't forget the tension I felt when I saw that he also saw me. I saw how shocked & scared he was; he had to avoid the path leading to my direction. I couldn't understand why.

It made me think. Situations like that only prove that closures never really come at the time we think we, or decided to, end a relationship. Nor is it an indication that the closure has finally arrived when it happens. It is a mere indicator that we still acknowledge the effect this person still has on us or how that certain person made an impact in our lives.

Watching this video moved me to tears. I had hoped to meet him again like this, like we have acknowledged the fact everything's ok & will be ok. Maybe someday.

From Yahoo! News Canada:

In 2010, performance artist Marina Abramovic's retrospective exhibit "The Artist is Present" at New York's MoMa spanned over four decades of her prolific career.

She also staged an original work, a solo piece during which she sat in a chair at a table, facing museum visitors in silence.

As visitors sat in complete silence in the chair opposite her, Abramovic would raise her head and look them in the eye for one minute, bringing some museum-goers to tears.

What Abramovic couldn't not have anticipated was that one of those visitors would be the man she once performed with.

"Marina Abramovic and Ulay started an intense love story in the 70s, performing art out of the van they lived in. When they felt the relationship had run its course, they decided to walk the Great Wall of China, each from one end, meeting for one last big hug in the middle and never seeing each other again. In 2010, Marina performed ‘The Artist Is Present,’ a minute of silence with each stranger who sat in front of her. Ulay arrived without her knowing it and this is what happened," commenter HGiskardReventlov wrote on YouTube.

Marina Abramović e Ulay - MoMA 2010 (by MiticoMazz)

What would you do?

"pay me? i accept love. i don't want no money from you bro."

kid at 5:00 onwards, you just made me proud to be human. i am deeply humbled.

Somebody cares.

 

 

34

YUP.

photo credit

"sometimes, the smallest things take the most room in your heart."

i dreamt of winnie the pooh & piglet the other night.

i don't know why i dreamt about them.

in my dream, piglet was lost and pooh and i were so worried looking for him everywhere.

the dream was so vivid, even the feeling.

i could feel pooh's worry and pain. it was so weird that i felt what he felt.

when i woke up, i was almost in tears.

i wanted to go back to the dream and look for piglet in hopes that we will find him soon,
that he just wandered off to somewhere, followed a cute butterfly.
or something like that.

and then i thought... i've never dreamt of pooh bear before.

and i haven't felt that kind of sadness of losing, of looking for someone so dear to me.

not in a while, though.

i hope i'm not losing something or someone soon.

one for the bucket list

When I can finally survive the cold, this will be on my bucket list.

this is how we do it.

Create.PH slide presentation at Graphika Manila 2012

33 Things in 33 Years

1. Trust your gut. Really.

If you think he likes you, you're probably right. If you think he's cheating, you're probably right. If you think she's going to be your new BFF, (this time with feeling!) you're probably right.

2. Sunscreen. Always.
SPF 15 indoors, SPF 30 outdoors. I've been wearing sunscreen everyday since I was 19 and I still get carded. I think this actually has more to do with the bouncers hitting on me, but I'd like to share the credit with my good friend Oil of Olay daily moisturizing lotion with SPF.

3. If you're lying in bed worrying about it, get up and write it down
If I don't do this, my night will quickly devolve into cyclical thoughts of doom and anxiety. Just get out of bed, write down the thing that you're worried about, write down a few ideas to deal with it and then go the eff back to sleep.

4. Processed carbohydrates and sugars are yucky.
It's not hard to switch to wholewheat bread and noodles or substitute honey/maple syrup/raw sugar for the white stuff. It's yummy and you'll feel heaps better!

5. Maintaining friendships (and making new friends) is an active process.
Stop waiting for them to call you! Think of something fun to do, call your friends and go do it. Also, stop sitting in your apartment, devotedly wishing that you knew more cool people. Surprisingly, this will not get you any closer to making new friends. Go places where like-minded people hang out, talk to new people at parties, initiate.

6. Uncomfortable underwear can ruin your day.
At least they can ruin mine. So don't wear your sexy-times underwear on the day you have to walk ten blocks to work.

7. It really doesn't matter what you major in
What does matter? The internships you get, your work ethic, your interpersonal skills, who you know. So go ahead and get a BA in Studio Art! As long as you complement that with work experience at a graphic design studio, a museum and an ad agency.

8. Create an active lifestyle
I don't go to the gym every day. Or, um, ever in the summer. But I walk to work and to the market and just about everywhere within a 3 mile radius. If you make daily activity a habit, you won't have nearly as many moments of "how did I inadvertently gain 30 pounds?!" or "why can't I walk up a flight of stairs?!"

9. Learn to enjoy your own company
There will be times in your life when you really want to see that movie, check out that new boutique, go to Thailand and no one wants to go with you. Bummer! But that doesn't mean that you can't go by yourself and have a good time. Take baby steps and work up to doing the big stuff on your own.

10. Don't allow outside sources to determine your self-esteem
I'm still working on this one. But I think it's important to realize that just about everything in life is relative - depending on your surroundings, you could be the hottest/smartest/highest paid girl in the room. But if you walk next door? Maybe it's different story. It's important to have faith in your abilities and strong suits - regardless of how they compare to others.

11. Find out what colors and styles work (and don't work) on you. Style accordingly.
I look good in gold and browns and corals. I look good with long, wavy hair. I look good in boat-neck, three quarter length tops. It took many, many unflattering photos to figure this out.

12. When in doubt, make the effort
You will never regret wearing that nice outfit, buying the thoughtful gift for the friend you haven't heard from in a while, over-tipping. If it doesn't work out, at least you'll know you did your best.

13. Cook at home.
Seriously. You will save one million dollars. You will maintain a healthy weight. You will impress your friends.

14. There are 300 million people in America. And 6,000,000,000 in the world.
I promise you, you'll love someone else. You'll meet new friends. You'll find co-workers and neighbors that are awesome. If it's too hard (or if someone is making you feel bad) walk away. There are a million other people out there who won't make you feel bad!

15. It's easier to make money than memories
Are you throwing up in your mouth right now? I am, a little bit. But it's true. Don't take the extra shift at work and miss your friend's awesome end-of-the summer barbecue. If all your friends are springing for a weekend at a cabin near the Canadian border, save up for a few weeks and make it happen. You won't remember the two weeks of eating in and watching library dvds, but you'll remember 3 days of fun with your buddies.

16. You can find common ground with just about anyone, any where
Regardless of a person's gender, age, race or religion there are common denominators to the human experience - falling in love, being homesick, laughing at baby animals. You don't even need to speak the same language to share an appreciation for these things. You'd be amazed how far you can get with most people just by smiling and asking them questions.

17. Don't buy the cheapest version. Buy the second cheapest.
This trick has saved me a lot of money. And many hang overs. Usually the cheapest version of something (vodka, eye shadow, shoes) is noticeably dicey. But the second-cheapest? Not so bad!

18. Make an extra copy
Of your keys, your lease, your birth certificate, your social security card. Then give said copy to someone trust worthy.

19. Floss.
For realz. It's pretty gratifying in a slightly disgusting way.

20. Consider second hand, for just about everything
98% of everything I own is second hand. My blow dryer, my picture frames, my sheets (not as gross as you're imagining). They cost a fraction of what I'd pay for them new, and no one's the wiser. At least until I tell the internet that I sleep on used sheets.

21. Excuses are embarrassing
With the exception of excuses like "my grandma died" most excuses are embarrassing for everyone involved - the person giving them and the person listening to them. 'I just don't know where to start,' 'I'm tired,' 'it's too expensive' really just translate to 'I'm not making it a priority'. See? Embarrassing, right?

22. Don't ask a question if you're not prepared to hear the answer
If you ask your friend "Do I look fat in this?" you best be prepared to hear that it's not a super flattering look on you. If you ask that guy you've been seeing for five months "Where do you see this going?" you need to know he might respond in stutters, back-pedaling and comments about "keeping it light." Don't ask if you don't really, really want to know.

23. Engage in calculated risk taking
Dancing on the table, taking a spontaneous road trip by yourself to a neighboring state, trying a new type of ethnic food - it is unlikely that any of these things will kill you. But they will probably make you more interesting.

24. Learn how to live well within your meansMake a budget and stick to it. Pay off your credit cards every month. Learn to cook for yourself. Get a bike and use it (then you won't need a gym membership or all that gas for you car!) Cancel the cable. Split internet with a neighbor. Consider second hand. You'd be amazed how painless saving money can be!

25. Learn some basic photo editing skills

Because that photo from your vacation would make a great Facebook profile photo if you didn't have that giant zit, right? Photoscape, Picnik and Gimp are all great options!

26. If you don't know what you say, silence is always an option
I learned this from my friend Ellie, who used this approach to deal with unruly patients during her years as a nurse in NYC. If someone says something you don't like (and don't know how to respond to) just stare at them and don't say anything. Totally. terrifying. And totally effective!

27. If you don't know, ask

Because that thing that people say about assuming (it makes an ass out of you and me)? That's true.

28. Do something different with your weekends
After a week in the cubicle farm, I know it's tempting to spend your weekend watching DVDs, running errands, going to house parties and nursing hangovers. But doing the same thing every weekend gets old. And you won't return to work reinvigorated or inspired. You don't have to do anything earth shattering - have a sleep over with old friends, go camping in a State Park, rent bikes and ride through your city, try a new ethnic restaurant, look up the top tourist sights in your city and check them out. Milk those two days off for all they're worth!

29. Stay in touch

In the age of skype/facebook/texting there's absolutely no reason that you can't maintain regular contact with your childhood bestie or that cool girl from your freshman comp class. Maintaining and fostering friendships is super important. Also, you'll have more couches to crash on when you go traveling!

30. Find a creative outlet

Most of us aren't 100% creatively fulfilled by our day jobs. Even those of us who work in creative fields! Engaging different parts of your brain (and different parts of your personality) is hugely, hugely gratifying. Seriously, you cannot overestimate how having a good hobby can change your life. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that after I started blogging, I needed less sleep and was a much happier person. Truth.

31. Act like you know what you're doing

You can pretty much conquer the world with a confident walk, a well-thought-out outfit and confident demeanor. We teach people how to treat us and when you show people that you're a force to be reckoned with, they'll believe you.

32.  When you ask friends or family to do things for free, you end up paying in stress and time
Of course, we can't all afford to hire movers/painters/accountants/etc.  But when you ask your cousin to photograph your wedding or your college roommate to design your website or your little sister to help you move - what you don't spend in money you just might spend in missed deadlines and ruined carpet.  Our friends and family love us and want to help.  But it's not the same.  And you know it.  If you can, pay a stranger to do things for you.  Then you won't feel bad complaining.

33.  Most things in life will cost twice as much and/or take twice as long as you thought

Particularly travel or home improvements or building up a client base.  There are always unexpected fees and raised prices.  Have a backup plan!  Or budget way, way more time and money than you think you'll need and you'll be presently surprised when things come in ahead of schedule and under budget.

What about you?  What have you learned so far?  What do you wish someone would have told you?

- yes and yes: 33 Things I've Learned In 33 Years

Your Life Is Like A Giant Jigsaw Puzzle

"Your past is like a giant jigsaw puzzle—and God is putting the pieces together to make a beautiful picture of your future.

But your special jigsaw puzzle has BILLIONS of pieces. And each event in your past is like one piece of the puzzle.

Each piece makes no sense. On its own, it means nothing. It only means something if you put them together. Once you put them together, you say, “Aha!”

There are some pieces that are so dark, you’d wonder, “What use is this particular dark piece?” But each dark piece has a purpose. Without those dark pieces, the puzzle won’t be complete.

In the same way, your past also has dark pieces that you wish weren’t there. Tragedies. Sickness. Failure. Abandonment. Separation. Divorce. Abuse. But they’re there for a reason. They’re there to complete YOU."

BoSanchez.ph » Your Life Is Like A Giant Jigsaw Puzzle

'via Blog this'

From the Office of Frank Chimero

When asked what advice would he give to a graphic design student:

Design does not equal client work.

It’s hard to make purple work in a design. The things your teachers tell you in class are not gospel. You will get conflicting information. It means that both are wrong. Or both are true. This never stops. Most decisions are gray, and everything lives on a spectrum of correctness and suitability.

Look people in the eyes when you are talking or listening to them. The best teachers are the ones who treat their classrooms like a workplace, and the worst ones are the ones who treat their classroom like a classroom as we’ve come to expect it. Eat breakfast. Realize that you are learning a trade, so craft matters more than most say. Realize that design is also a liberal art. Quiet is always an option, even if everyone is yelling. Libraries are a good place. The books are free there, and it smells great.

If you can’t draw as well as someone, or use the software as well, or if you do not have as much money to buy supplies, or if you do not have access to the tools they have, beat them by being more thoughtful. Thoughtfulness is free and burns on time and empathy.

The best communicators are gift-givers.

Don’t become dependent on having other people pull it out of you while you’re in school. If you do, you’re hosed once you graduate. Keep two books on your nightstand at all times: one fiction, one non-fiction.

Buy lightly used. Patina is a pretty word, and a beautiful concept.

Develop a point of view. Think about what experiences you have that many others do not. Then, think of what experiences you have that almost everyone else has. Then, mix those two things and try to make someone cry or laugh or feel understood.

Design doesn’t have to sell. Although, that’s usually its job.

Think of every project as an opportunity to learn, but also an opportunity to teach. Univers is a great typeface and white usually works and grids are nice and usually necessary, but they’re not a style. Helvetica is nice too, but it won’t turn water to wine.

Take things away until you cry. Accept most things, and reject most of your initial ideas. Print it out, chop it up, put it back together. When you’re aimlessly pushing things around on a computer screen, print it out and push it around in real space. Change contexts when you’re stuck. Draw wrong-handed and upside down and backwards. Find a good seat outside.

Design is just a language, it’s not a message. If you say “retro” too much you will get hives and maybe die. Learn your design history. Know that design changes when technology changes, and its been that way since the 1400s. Adobe software never stops being frustrating. Learn to write, and not school-style writing. A text editor is a perfectly viable design tool. Graphic design has just as much to do with words as it does with pictures, and a lot of my favorite designers come to design from the world of words instead of the world of pictures.

If you meet a person who cares about the same obscure things you do, hold on to them for dear life. Sympathy is medicine.

Scissors are good, music is better, and mixed drinks with friends are best. Start brave and brash: you can always make things more conservative, but it’s hard to make things more radical. Edit yourself, but let someone else censor you. When you ride the bus, imagine that you are looking at everything from the point of view of someone else on the ride. If you walk, look up on the way there and down on the way back. Aesthetics are fleeting, the only things with longevity are ideas. Read Bringhurst and one of those novels they made you read in high school cover to cover every few years. (Of Mice and Men, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Great Gatsby.)

Stop trying to be cool: it is stifling.

Most important things happen at a table. Food, friends, discussion, ideas, work, peace talks, and war plans. It is okay to romanticize things a little bit every now and then: it gives you hope.

Everything is interesting to someone. That thing that you think is bad is probably just not for you. Be wary of minimalism as an aesthetic decision without cause. Simple is almost a dirty word now. Almost. Tools don’t matter very much, all you need is a sharp knife, but everyone has their own mise en place. If you need an analogy, use an animal. If you see a ladder in a piece of design or illustration, it means the deadline was short. Red, white, black, and gray always go together. Negative space. Size contrast. Directional contrast. Compositional foundations.

Success is generating an emotion. Failure is a million different things. Second-person writing is usually heavy-handed, like all of this.

Seeking advice is addicting and can become a proxy for action. Giving it can also be addicting in a potentially pretentious, soul-rotting sort of way, and can replace experimenting because you think you know how things work. Be suspicious of lists, advice, and lists of advice.

Everyone is just making it up as they go along.

This about sums up everything I know.